The church keeps us safe so we don’t go to jail.

Happy Awkward Moment Monday! This experience was embarrassing for me but pretty much everyone else thought it was cute, and y’all know I have no shame about sharing awkward experiences, so here goes.

Our church has a monthly “open mic” Sunday where anyone can get up and share their testimony of the gospel. Yesterday was that Sunday for our ward. I don’t always get up, but I had a cool experience to share, so I got up, said what I wanted to say, and sat down again.

The next person after me was a little girl who went up with her mom. As soon as Monkey saw that kids could go up too, he said, “I wanna go up too!”

I asked him what he wanted to say, and he said, “I’ll talk about Jesus and God and Mary.” I let him go up with Peter and told Peter to help him.


Peter didn’t help him.

Most of Monkey’s testimony was unintelligible gibberish, but the parts that I did catch included “Jesus made the Earth” and “The church will keep us safe so we don’t go to jail.” He also said he was praying for two of the kids in his preschool class. (To my knowledge, he has never prayed for these kids.)

At that point, my nervous “oh gosh, what is he going to say” panic turned into “oh crap he’s saying nonsense” panic and I started laughing and crying at the same time. An older gentleman in front of me turned around and said he thought Monkey was doing a great job, but I just wanted to sink into the floor and disappear.

After the meeting, lots of my friends came up to me and said they really enjoyed both my testimony and Monkey’s testimony. They were proud of him for wanting to share his simple thoughts on the gospel and they were impressed that he did it without help, because most kids that go up with their parents have their parents whisper stuff in their ear for them to say.

Moral of this story is basically what a former bishop said from the pulpit when I was a teenager. If kids can’t come up by themselves, they’re too young to come up during testimony meeting. We’ll let Monkey try again when he’s older.

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